Commencement Speech

Good afternoon Class of 2016.  In January, I received a call asking me if I would be the guest speaker at your graduation today. I was very touched by the request.  But, like some of you might be thinking, I wondered, “Why would they ask ME?” I’m not a motivational speaker. I don’t hold any important degrees. I am not a professional athlete who went on to put Flambeau on the map. There are a lot of other people who would have been excellent candidates to speak to you today...so why me?

Because I am one of you. 

Twenty nine years ago, I sat where you are sitting.  I was a senior in high school, graduating from Flambeau High School, filled with anticipation about what my future would hold. Upon graduating, I was enrolled to attend a 4-year university to become an elementary school teacher. I had spent part of my senior year student teaching. I had earned a scholarship. I had it all planned out. But the summer after my high school graduation, I had a change of heart. I enrolled in a one-year business school instead. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up and this would be a sure-fire way to get there faster. One year later, upon graduating from that business school, on June 1, 1988, I packed up everything I owned and moved to the Pacific Northwest. I couldn’t wait to begin my new life.  But life had some surprises for me. After living on the west coast for 13 years, my sister-in-law here in Wisconsin was diagnosed with cancer. This was not part of my master plan.  I was now conflicted between wanting to return home to be closer to family, but I so loved the life I was carving out for myself, I really didn’t want to leave.  I eventually made my way back home, only to encounter more unexpected surprises.  In the year 2010, my parents unexpectedly passed away within 8 months of each other.  Another curve ball. They hadn’t been sick. I moved home so I could spend their golden years with them and now they were gone all too soon. The picture I had in my head of what life was going to look like, suddenly looked very different and things were getting REAL.  In what seemed like the blink of an eye, life was not turning out exactly the way I had mapped it out.  In fact, at times, it felt like it was crumbling around me. 

In June of 2013, I was at my parents’ home cleaning out some their belongings, when I came across a book titled, “365 Things to Do before You Go to Heaven.” I started flipping through the pages.  The margins of the book were filled with personal notes my mother had written of things she either wanted to do or did accomplish before she passed away.  Many of her notes had me chuckling, and it was right then and there that I the idea struck me that it would be fun to write a book about how she lived her life. My mom had a way of turning everything into a positive, there could be a good story here.  But could I really do it?  Writing was always something I enjoyed, but where would I even start?  I did not consider myself an author by any means, I was just a daughter who wanted to honor my mom and preserve her spirit.  What if I made mistakes as I tried, what would people think, let alone, would anyone even want to read it?  The next day, I called my niece Jessie, who is graduating with you today.  I told her my idea and asked her if she would like to be involved to help me illustrate this book about her grandmother.  She excitedly responded, “I’d love to!”  Over the course of the next two years, I recalled stories about my mom and Jessie drew pictures to go along with them.

On November 5, 2015, that memoir we had dreamt up back in 2013, was now titled, “Too Fast for Conditions” and it went public, available for sale on Amazon.com.  We had gone global, we had really done it.  What started as merely a dream was now a reality.  Some of you might be thinking that me speaking here today is a platform to promote our book.  Well, I have great news for you!  I’m not here to talk about me or Jessie or even our book.  I’m here today to talk about YOU and YOUR dreams.  When thinking about what my message would be, my topic was easy.  I would simply tell you some of the things I wish someone would have told me, when I was sitting right where you are today.  So here’s my gift to you – 8 nuggets of life, based on my experiences, summed up by someone who has lived them.  

1. RELAX.  Don’t be in a rush.  Life is ALL about the journey, not about where you’re going.  Enjoy TODAY.  Yes , enjoy all the parts of the journey that come after today, but understand that life is all about stages and transitions.  Don’t be in a hurry to go from one to the next.  No matter how good or bad something is, it WILL eventually change.  Make the best of wherever you’re at.  Don’t be in a rush.
2. BE YOU!  Don’t let fear hold you back. Ignore your critics. No matter how hard you try or how well-intended you might be, you are going to have critics. Just worry about being true to YOURSELF.  In life, there will be family members, teachers, room-mates, professors, and co-workers who you don’t agree with.  Be respectful to them anyway.  There will be bosses you don’t like, and some of them may be unethical. Do the job YOU were hired to do and do it well.  When you encounter injustices, stick to what you know is right, and go with your gut. But do it graciously.  Life IS sometimes unfair.  But trust me when I say, everything eventually works itself out. When people disappoint you, always take the higher road. The way you carry yourself in these situations will get you farther in life than any degree you hold.  When you face conflict, be gracious, even if it means swallowing your pride.
3. CULTIVATE YOUR TALENTS.  Invest in your passions.  Find what you’re good at and take it as far as you can.  Some of you are sitting in those seats today with a clear vision of what it is you want to become.  If you are one of those people, I salute you!  But if you aren’t sure, just know it’s OK to change your course.  As you navigate through life, you’ll discover more about yourself and what you do and don’t like.  You don’t have to know today.  Take risks.  If it doesn’t work out the way you planned, try something else and move on.  There’s no such thing as failure, except the failure to try. SO GO FOR IT! 

4. TRAVEL. Travel. And then travel some more. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving where you came from, if you have an opportunity to see something new, take it. Traveling will either open your eyes to things you never knew existed, or it will make you appreciate where you came from.  It’s a big world out there; I encourage you to go see it. 

5. BE OPEN TO PEOPLE.  Cast judgments aside and be open to people who are different from you.  Meet people from different parts of the world and different walks of life.  Everyone has a story. Take time to learn other people’s stories.   

In the spring of 2010, I was on vacation in Florida at SeaWorld, waiting in line to feed dolphins.  There was a 12 year old boy waiting in line next to me, who had a very thick accent.  I struck up conversation with him just so I could hear him talk. His name was Liam and he was vacationing there from England. We sat there visiting with each other like we were old friends.  By the time our dolphin adventure was over, he wanted me to meet his family who were waiting outside the exhibit. We ended up exchanging email addresses and became pen pals. Over the next five years, we kept in touch with each other, writing and sending gifts back and forth from our respective countries.  It was fun learning about each other’s worlds. When he graduated from high school last year, his dream was to spend time in America to see what American life was all about.  So his parents put this kid on a plane, sent him to a strange place for 10 days, to stay with a person he had only met in person for 30 minutes! We had an absolute blast and left no stone unturned in exploring new adventures. His mother shared with me that our friendship helped him with his confidence. I know that trip gave him experiences and memories to last a lifetime, as it did for me. This summer, Jessie and I will be traveling to Florida to meet up with Liam and his family again. Be open to giving people who are different from you a chance, even if you don’t have anything in common with them.  You never know what will come of it.

6. BE ADVENTUROUS.  Take risks.  One thing you will hear a lot as you enter adulthood, is “it’s no fun getting old.”  I’ m here to tell you, age is just a number.  If there’s something you always wanted to do, I don’t care if you’re 18 or 80, make it happen.  Don’t blame other people for why something never worked out.  You are responsible for your happiness, not anyone else.  When a door closes, think of it as something new and wonderful in store.  Having a positive outlook will bring positive into your life. Mark my words!  Wherever you are, life is going to be exactly what YOU make it.  To those who say “it’s no fun getting old,” I say they’re growing old the wrong way!  MAKE IT FUN! 

7. BE RESOURCEFUL.  Don’t let money be the driving force of your life.  Be a good steward of your finances. Live within your means and pay back your debts; but don’t let money be the gauge of your success.  Some people get so caught up in money, it consumes them.  People stay in jobs they hate in order to maintain a certain lifestyle.  Some people are constantly striving to have the next best thing and some focus on counting their every dollar.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting better, but don’t fall into the trap of letting money define WHO you are.  It’s more important to be resourceful than to be rich.  Be generous when you can and be happy for others success.  There will be times your resources will be plentiful and times things will be tight.  But it all works out.  Don’t spend too much time fretting over either one.  My dad used to say, “Money is essential, but it isn’t everything.”  He was right.

8. TURN YOUR TRAGEDIES INTO TRIUMPH. Heartaches and tragedies are going to be part of life. So are blessings! Turn your tragedies into triumph by using them to help others who have gone through something similar. Let your success remind you to be humble, and remember where you came from. It’s not up to us to have all the answers to why things happen. Life is a practice run. How we bounce back from things is far more important than what happens to us. Sometimes we are witnessing to others in ways we don’t even know. Don’t wallow in self-pity when things go wrong. Be the person other people look at and say, “I want to live like that.”  Make sure you’re witnessing well.

I close today, with a simple word for you to think about, CHOICES…  My message today is for everyone, not just the graduates who leave this building and start their new journey.  We are all on a journey, and we all have CHOICES.  We can be bitter, or we can be BETTER. Make the choice to look forward, knowing that there is a plan for each of us.  The plan is not the same for all, nor is the time table.  Be grateful for what you have, recognize your blessings. Your outlook on life, not your circumstances, will be the direct result of your happiness and only YOU are responsible for it. It’s simply a CHOICE.

Graduates, thank you for sharing your day with me! I wish you great success as you close a door today and open a new one.  I urge you to look through your windshield and not your mirror.  Follow your dreams!  Now get busy making them happen! Let's GOOOO!